En tyv i jungelen

Kall meg grådig, kall meg geeky, kall meg øreklaffet, men oppdagelsen av nok en ny utgave av Ringenes herre frister alltid til et besøk i jungelen for å sjekke om man trenger den også. Og så blir man sittende og lese anmeldelser da. Og når én mann har gitt boken én stjerne, vel så må man sjekke. Og fordi den er morsom, stjeler man den i sin helhet:

No one in this book showers or shaves. I couldn't read this book because Hobbits and all those other stupid things were reeking up my room with their grody smells. Eew, eew, eew. I still don't know what a hobbit is. The only thing I could figure is that this JRR Tollkin ripped off JK Rowling (the latter obviously should give the former some writing tips). I didn't understand what was going on because Tolkiin kept using words that I don't know, and that's not fair. THAT IS NOT OKAY. Someone should send this back to him and say, "write anything but this". I don't see how anyone likes this doorstop. Hmmm, what do elfs, dwarfs, dragons, and trolls all have in common? Oh yeah: there not real. That's just silly. How the heck am I supposed to care about things that don't even exist? This book should be retitleated "The Lord of the Sleep Aids", because it put me to sleep. Boring, silly, long, and heavy, LOTR is a yawnfest in Frodo-land. And everyone's dirty. Yeah, gross.

Et søk på hans øvrige anmeldelser avdekket et par andre perler. Så jeg stjeler dem også. Først om Den gamle mannen og havet (to stjerner):

If I had known that immigrant workers were this lazy, I would never have imported a dozen Cubans. That said, I found myself throughout the book wishing that the sharks had spared the marlin and had instead eaten Ernest Hemingway. I hate, let me repeat, hate reading about poor people. It almost feels anti-American.

Dernest om Watership Down (én stjerne):

If this is a Watership then, for the love of Christ, somebody sink it. It should have been called "Watership Boring", because that's what this book is: BORING. I don't get it. The plot's too complicated and the rabbits are talking. Hello, author guy, can bunnies talk? NO. So unrealistic. And how am I supposed to relate to rabbits? Stupid, stupid, stupid is all that comes to mind. The only thing this book is good for is kindling. I've read better stories on the back of a TRIX box.

Og endelig et utdrag fra anmeldelsen av DaVinci-koden (fem stjerner), som preges av, eh, noen få skrivefeil:

Is Don Brown's Da Vinci Code fact, or fiction? My answer: a very enthusiastic, FACT!!! Prolly the best example of literature at it's finest! Its sooo good that it makes me want to pursure a career in archayology so I can be the one to discover the Holy Grail and the secrets of the Templars. Watch out, secret artifacts, Da Vinci Potter is coming for you.