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A bear has been thrown into solitary confinement at Paddington Green police station, after being found at Paddington railway station with a label attached to his duffel coat naming him as "Mohammed". The label also proclaimed his origins as "Darkest Sudan".

Under British appeasement to Sharia Law, it is illegal to leave bears unattended at railway stations. It is also illegal to name them Mohammed, Jesus, Buddha, Satan or any other name deemed ridiculous for a bear. The law clearly states that all bears must be named things like Baloo, Rupert or Huggy.

A spokesman for the Association of Shouty Moslems shouted: "Everything about this bear is an offense to Islam, from his duffel coat and battered sou wester to his quaint little suitcase and his penchant for marmalade sandwiches. But most of all his name, which is only allowed for Sudanese schoolchildren and half the male Moslem population. The bear must either change his name to something more suitable, such as Pooh, or die."

Mohammed was said to be "confused" at being hurled into solitary confinement, and was concerned as to when he might be given some marmalade. "This would never happen back home in Darkest Sudan," he said to his lawyer. "I only came here for the excellent railway services and the famous British tolerance."